Recycle No More

At work, I try to exercise during lunchtime, either by going to the gym, biking, or walking.  When the weather is cool in the spring and fall, walking is the exercise of choice.  For years I walked in my iPod oblivion, but I would always notice beverage cans tossed by the side of the road.  I always thought that one of these days, I ought to bring a bag with me and pick up the cans to recycle.



Last fall, I finally got it together and brought bags to pick up cans during my walks. The bags would fill up much quicker than I imagined, usually within the first mile of the walk.  No matter how often I walked, there were always plenty of cans to pick up.  A lot of the cans were half full, so I would empty them out before placing them in the bag.  Sometimes, this was a pretty gross proposition, so I ended up wearing blue nitrile gloves for my walks.

Ninety percent of the cans were beer cans, with an occasional soda or energy drink.  I began to wonder where these cans came from.  Some were grouped together, indicating a bunch of kids sitting around chugging beers.  But the majority of beer cans looked like they were thrown right out of moving cars.  Checking the Internet, only Mississippi allows driving with open containers of alcohol.  It is certainly not legal in Massachusetts or New Hampshire, where I work.  I asked some co-workers and sure enough, they knew others that drank beers on their way home and chucked the cans out of the window.  In fact, those people celebrate then end of Daylight Saving Time, when that cops can’t see them drinking in the darkness.  Well now, that’s news to me, no wonder why there are so many beer cans along the side of the road (more in Live Free and Die NH than MA, mind you).

The very first time I walked back to work with a bag of beer cans, I was a bit worried about what people would think if I dumped a bunch of beer cans into the can recycling bin.  I thought of leaving them in a recycling bin outside someone’s house, but that would be even harder to explain.  I ended up dumping them in the work recycling bin, with a few co-workers looking on.  Everyone thought it was a cool idea and I soon became knows as the “can lady” or “beer girl”.  Even the general manager of our company stopped by and joked whether times were tough. He often asked whether I was going can picking when we ran into each other near lunchtime.  Even people from my home town saw me picking up cans.  I was that kooky blue-handed can lady, heading up a recycling revolution, cleaning up the environment, one can at a time!


Image from Beyond the Perf, USA Philatelic

After a few weeks, another co-worker asked that I save the tabs to donate to the Shriner’s Hospital.  I started to remove the tabs as I picked up the cans during my walks (way too gross to pull them afterward when the bag is half soaked in beer).  Sometimes I lost the tabs on the way, but I did manage to amass this many:



That’s 211 aluminum can tabs.  Since then, I’ve learned from Snopes that the can tabs are hardly worth their time and energy.  Basically, they say that you'd be much better off getting the full 5 cent redemption and donating that to your charity instead of the tiny fraction of a cent they get for the pull tab. At $427 for a million tabs, that is 0.000427 cents per tab, instead of 5 cents for the whole can.  Still I liked to collect the tabs to count how many cans I’ve picked up during my walks.



Recently I bought a sheet of these super cool, super cute Go Green forever stamps.  On the back of the Go Green stamp sheet, there is some information about the small steps we can all take to be greener.  I learned this fact about recycling:

Is it enough to make a difference?  Absolutely.  Recycling just one aluminum can reduces waste—and saves enough energy to run a computer for three hours.  Multiply that by 10—or 200—cans. 

Wow, my 211 cans can run a computer 24/7 for nearly a month!
 
This spring, my recycling career came to an abrupt halt one morning when my boss approached me.  He asked me whether I was the one recycling cans from outside in the cafeteria.  I told him yes and that the general manager knew about it.  But he said that there were complaints that beer cans in the cafeteria “were not appropriate”.  Granted, the cafeteria didn’t smell like beer, but if you opened the lid and took a whiff, you could definitely smell it.  But the cans were obviously from outside, they were soiled and dirty.  No one is sitting around work drinking beers during off hours! 

I am not one to argue with my boss, so this chat ended my recycling career.  I still am the recycling police at work, but I’m not about to risk my livelihood to clean up a state that I don’t even live in.  So now when I go on walks, I simply walk past this scene:



Maybe I should just get people to stop drinking beers on their way home!  If it’s not one crusade, it’s another.

Blogging Shackles

Tavern puzzles from Greenfeet. I love puzzles of all sorts, but tavern puzzles drive me batty.  Especially ones with ropes and chains.

So have you noticed a lack of substantial blog posts lately? Have you been seeing just a string of cutesy kid pics and the usual memes? A few months ago, I managed to offend not one, but three people that I know with my blogging.

First my hubby complained that he was not put in a very good light with one of my kid interviews.  Never mind that it was cute and not exactly insulting or offensive.  Plus they were equally hard on me.  Now I will be sure to leave him out of any blog posts.  Or I can censor my kids or have him approve my posts.  (Not!)

Then my mom took my BlogHer post on grandparents spoiling their grandkids completely out of context.  In fact she didn't even read my main point which was to "Let them know your expectations but don't deny them the opportunity to give."  So there will be no more cross posting from BlogHer.

Lastly, I heard from a friend that writing about how your kid scored a goal in soccer was bragging.  So I shouldn't be proud of my son on the internet?  For that reason, there will be no more Tuesday Toots for any of us.

There's part of me which says to hell with what other people think, I'll just write what I want, it's my blog.  Then again, these three people are dear to me, so I will retreat to inoffensive cutesy blogging (my knitted kittes are still being stumbled upon to my disbelief).  People don't want to see me rant or express an opinion that may not be popular.  Just wait until I write my post on vaccinations on BlogHer in June...

The repercussions of saying your mind on the internet can be astounding.  I've been following Sara of Suburban Oblivion and for nearly a year, she has kept mum about her troubles at home.  Finally, she let it all out on her blog, only to get extremely nasty repercussions from her soon-to-be ex-husband.  My life certainly has no deep dark secrets but I can't imagine going through what she currently has to deal with.

I guess cute it is.

I am Urban Legend Police

I am the email killjoy.  Whenever I am forwarded a piece of email that sounds even remotely suspicious, too good to be true, or too opinionated, I immediately go to Snopes to check the validity of it.  Ninety-nine percent of the time, I find that it is false.  I then click Reply All, and politely tell everyone that it is crock.  Sometimes, I only click Reply to Sender.  Sometimes I only blog about it.  My hope in replying is that people employ just a smidgen of skepticism and use a bit of fact-checking before sending stuff around through email and perpetrating hoaxes.  I don't know what ticks me off more, the people that start urban legends or the people who blindly accept any thing they read as fact and perpetrate them.  Idjits!  OK, that being said, I sometimes fall for false information and sent a dubious email to three friends that bad-mouthed John McCain.  I stand corrected!  That didn't stop me from fuming over the tons of false emails I received about Barack Obama.  I didn't bother to reply to those because being a bigot is often a lost cause.  Here are some other examples that have ticked me off:

1. Photoshopped Images

I found this photo on Photoshop Disasters (which I am a huge fan), and I was totally outraged that it received a National Geographic Viewer's Choice award.


Image from usefilm
 
Is it really possible that people can suspend their belief in the physics of reflection?  Is it not obvious that this image was completely photoshopped badly?  Hello are you blind?   Thankfully, after many requests, National Geographic took down this picture with this response.

2. Water bottles

I received an email from my HR department warning against reusing and freezing water bottles because of dioxins.  This is SO OLD!  I sent her the Snopes report and the rebuttal from Johns Hopkins.  From Human Resources!  Unbelievable.

3. Get rich quick

How many times have you received this email?

...When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft can and will track it (If you are a Microsoft Windows user) For a two weeks time period. For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay you $245.00...

I sent this reply out to all the recipients:

Sorry to break it to you, but there is no free lunch here!
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/nothing/billgate.asp
[Quoted from Snopes] The Bottom Line:   No matter which incarnation of this silliness is received, the principle is the same: there's still no such thing as an e-mail tracking program that will keep a tally of how many times a message is forwarded and then report the results back to a central tabulator. And there's still no free lunch — big companies aren't going to hand out fabulous vacations, $1000 bills, free trendy clothes, new computers, cases of candies, wads of cash, or new cars just because someone with a functioning Internet connection does them the favor of forwarding an e-mail. Though at first blush, participating in such pie-in-the-sky wishfulness appears perfectly harmless, such participation only serves to clog up already overtaxed resources. Oh yes, it does one other thing — it gives the idjits who cooked up these frauds a great big laugh at your expense.

At least afterwards, I did receive a few thank you's along the lines of:  "Thank you.  It saved me some time." and "Thank you for educating the senders of the 'forward to....' e-mails!!!  I can't believe how many people fall for it!"  I can't either, it was forwarded by tons of "Worth a try!"

4. Credit card scams

Within one month of joining my current company, I got an email from the Corporate Director of Security warning employees of a Visa card scam.  This email was sent to the entire corporation with over 50,000 employees.  I politely replied with this:

I had recently been involved with credit card fraud, so I took careful notice of your email.  My case was not caused by the scenario you described.  I did however checked the scam you described and found it to be partly urban legend.  Here are some sites with information on that:
http://www.breakthechain.org/exclusives/visaphonescam.html
http://www.snopes.com/crime/warnings/creditcard.asp
Although it is feasibly possible to carry out that scam, it appears that it is probably more chain mail than reality.  Just wanted to pass that along.

He sent me a nice reply, saying, "Thanks for the sites.  The sites I checked did not have anything on the scam."  Yes, of course they didn't because you didn't do any fact checking.  Nevertheless, the amount of fake scam emails from corporate went down since then.

Post note:  In the three years since that first exchange, Snopes has updated the information and the scam has now become true!  Apparently scam artist read about this and decided, that it was a great way to obtain information.  Nice going, urban legend becomes reality.

5. Great stories that end up being fake

I read about this holocaust survivor love story between a boy in a concentration camp and a girl that snuck him food over the fence.  They met by chance 12 years later and married.  It was beautiful and moving and for a moment restored hope in humanity.  Until now, where it is a total disgrace since it was completely fabricated. It is so sad that people need to make this kind of $hit up for attention.  It was a beautiful story that is now forever tainted in my mind, especially since I fell for it.  If it's too good to be true, it probably is!

This is why I would never send my kids to Harvard

Getty Images by Robert Spencer

Now if your university were graced by author J.K. Rowling for your commencement speech, you would be totally honored right? Not the snobs at Harvard. When I heard this NPR story, I was totally flabbergasted.

"I think we could have done better," shrugged computer science major Kevin Bombino. He says Rowling lacks the gravitas a Harvard commencement speaker should have.

"You know, we're Harvard. We're like the most prominent national institution. And I think we should be entitled to … we should be able to get anyone. And in my opinion, we're settling here. "

You must be joking. Just because Rowling is an extremely successful author of children's books does not mean that she is inferior in any way to a snot-faced prig who knows nothing about being successful in life. Obviously the Harvard alumni who chose Rowling as a commencement speaker knew that she could impart wisdom to this graduating class, but apparently they still have a lot to learn. In her speech, she talked about the benefits of failure, something these silver-spoon ingrates would probably never experience. Entitlement indeed. For that remark, I would never hire a computer scientist from Harvard. Obviously, they made a poor choice in higher learning institutions and learned NOTHING. And they still refer to MIT as the trade school down the river. Hmmph!

Success is never achieved by how many people you can put down, but how many people you can influence. Recently I received one of the best compliments from a younger colleague. She was telling me about a job interview where she was interviewed by an MIT graduate with a PhD from Stanford. She said she was really intimidated by his credentials at first but found that he really was the nicest sweetest guy. "Kinda like you," she said. I was really flattered. Sure there are plenty of snobs that come out of MIT, but there are at least two who know a thing about humility and being approachable.

So in brain-washing our kids, I really can't say anything bad about their grandfather's alma mater Harvard, but I will continue to push for MIT. And I will always teach them that snobbery will not be tolerated.

Creative Play - You're Doing It Wrong!

I heard this story on NPR, Creative Play Makes for Kids in Control, about the Tools of the Mind program which promotes creative play as a means to promote self-regulation in children. Now I totally agree that today's kids have too many structured activities and that can lead to issues with self-control. According to a companion NPR piece, Old-Fashioned Play Builds Serious Skills:

It turns out that all that time spent playing make-believe actually helped children develop a critical cognitive skill called executive function. Executive function has a number of different elements, but a central one is the ability to self-regulate. Kids with good self-regulation are able to control their emotions and behavior, resist impulses, and exert self-control and discipline.

But the techniques outlined in the Tools of the Mind program left me thinking that they totally missed the boat. Preschoolers are asked to make a written plan before they play, making them think in advance about what they are going to do and then follow the plan. They are talking about 4-year-olds! I'm sorry but filling out paperwork before playing is not creative play, it is inundating poor innocent children with the drudgery of the adult world. They are in preschool for crying out loud, not trying to get an MBA. They have to fill out paperwork whether they want to play with play-doh or to play outside during recess. To me, this is not creative in the least. I can see kids preferring to write "slide" over "sandbox" because it has less letters. It's one thing to promote self-awareness and self-regulation, but to the point of stifling any sense of spontaneity and fun? Besides, even in the software world of agile development, it is all about being able to change your design and implementation quickly and not having to be tied down to fully detailed specification at the beginning of a project. Let's just say that I would never survive this preschool.

Perhaps I had such a strong reaction to this story because as a child, I analyzed everything to death, so that any new experience would end up feeling mundane after I mulled it over in my mind. It took years to for me to chill out and simply experience and enjoy new things without having to know every last detail and over-analyze them. The strangest thing about this NPR story was that I couldn't agree more with the concepts of creative and free play but couldn't disagree more as how they implemented it. (Am I over-analyzing this or what?!)

Another alarming part of the story was a quote from Adele Diamond, a professor of developmental cognitive neuroscience, who described her first visit to the school, "I was totally blown away. The kids were sitting together working quietly. It was like a second-grade classroom instead of a preschool classroom. I couldn't believe it." OMG, this just tells me that these are Stepford children. The kid in them have been beaten out and replaced by robots.

According to Howard Chudacoff, a cultural historian at Brown University, "[in the old days, children] improvised play, whether it was in the outdoors… or whether it was on a street corner or somebody's back yard. They improvised their own play; they regulated their play; they made up their own rules." Now this is real creative or free play. Not some kind of forced business plan play. I watched my children play tonight and found this to be entirely true. With no toys, video games or TV, Adam decided to take my sweater and pants and put them on. First it was just a gag where his pants would drop while he walked around which elicited many giggles from Dova. Then it evolved into Adam actually pretending to be me, and I became his husband Doug. He took on my mannerisms as well, lying on my side of the bed and taking out the camera to take photos (of course he went for my real camera and I had to intervene and tell him to use his own). Dova took on the persona of Adam and put on his bathrobe and talked about how she liked to play hockey. Every aspect of this make-believe was extremely accurate, especially the quotes such as, "I'm not taking you shopping because you'll be difficult." It took quite a bit of self-regulation to assume these different roles for over an hour.

The preschool that Adam previously attended and that Dova now attends does believe in child-directed learning and real free play. Sure they have some structured and group times, but there are plenty of times where children are allowed to choose how they will play. For this summer, I found another private school that has a pool, so I signed them up for their summer camp program. When we visited this school last month, it was completely pristine and beautiful and the children appeared to be extremely well-behaved. Boots were lined up neatly outside each classroom on a tray and mittens were individually pinned up on a drying rack. Did the children actually line up these boots and pin their mittens or do the teachers spend the entire time tidying up after them? We left with the feeling that this school was too good to be true and perhaps they were all Stepford children. Hopefully, our kids won't have to write any business plans during camp. Either way, it has a pool, so that decides that.

So my take home message from these NPR stories is to promote more free play. I know that Adam plays too many video games and has too many sports (hockey and soccer have games and practices four days a week), and Dova watches too much TV. But we do send them outside to play and force them to play with each other without TV and video games. Sure, they get crazy and out of control, but that will eventually promote more self-regulation right?

Hump Day Hmm - WTF at Tsongas Arena!

Adam's cub scout pack arranged a trip to see a Lowell Devils (minor league team of the NJ Devils) hockey game at Tsongas Arena in Lowell, Massachusetts. It was a fantastic event including a tour of the ambulance used by the hockey players, pizza in our own club room, front row seats in the end zone, a chance for one of the scouts to ride the Zamboni (more on another post), and a free skate on the ice after the game. The atmosphere was festive, everyone was in a great mood, and the Devils won in a shoot-off. I forgot to bring my camera, but the iPhone was a worthy substitute, and you can see the entire set of pictures here.

There was one incident that marred the event. All through the game, there were promotional giveaways, a Jeep and tons of shirts for the crowd. You can see the mascot, a "devil dog" throwing shirts here:


I saw a shirt come flying over the glass and come down right over the cub scout pack leader. Now this guy is top notch person, pulling strings to organize the details of this event and even putting Dova on his lap for a group picture (she is apparently dying to be a cub scout just like her brother). He reached up to grab the shirt, and fumbled it. In the time it took for the shirt to jump from his hands and reach the ground, a teenager from across the aisle dove under the handrail and snatched up the shirt before the pack leader bent down to get it. WTF!! The teenager ran back to his seat with the shirt, showed his mom (who did not witness this move) and the mom patted him on the back and said, "Good for you!" We turned to look at the pack leader and he just smiled and shrugged his shoulders as if to say, Oh well. He handled it completely with class. We were outraged! Doug muttered, "That was really low." I was fuming. The worst part was that he actually got confirmation for his actions by his mom. I wanted to go over there, grab this misfit by the collar and tell him that he ought to return the shirt. Then again, I didn't want to make a scene in front of all these impressionable cub scouts. In the end I kept quiet and just filed it away for a blog post. What would you do?

Don't forget to visit Hump Day hostess Julie at Using My Words.

Correlations That Make You Dumb

From BooksThatMakeYouDumb.virgil.gr, click to see it large.

This chart takes the ten most frequent "favorite books" listed on Facebook from students at every college and maps them against the college's SAT/ACT scores. Of course it is supposedly just for "hilarity incarnate", but it draws some questionable conclusions. I agree that colleges have different test scores for their students, but trying to lump books that their students read is a bit far-fetched. Most colleges have a diverse mix of students and do not have predominantly one cultural or racial make-up. Books listed by Facebook members however, often do reflect cultural and racial characteristics. When you look at the scores for the colleges, you can see that CalTech is ranked first, where my Alma Mater (MIT) is only in sixth place. And the creator of the chart is from, big surprise, CalTech. Nothing like a bit of superiority as frosting.

Calling this "Books That Make You Dumb" is great for generating traffic, but sends the wrong message. Does reading books favored by "super nerds" make people smarter? Probably not. Does reading the books on the low end make people dumber? Probably not as well. One of the unspoken messages of this chart, especially since it is grouped by genre, is that books about African-American culture are read by dumb people. And Lolita taking the smartest book spot? Obviously those nerds aren't getting any (it was originally categorized as erotica and then moved to classics)... Most people will dismiss this chart as an interesting correlation. But saying that reading or enjoying those books that "will make you dumb" will simply create a rift between cultures. If people avoid the books on the low end, it will only promote less understanding, more alienation and more discrimination.

I'm not saying that I don't find the chart fascinating, but I hope people don't draw the wrong conclusions from it. There is also a chart which correlates music and test scores. OK, I'll lighten up now. Maybe it's just sour grapes that MIT was in sixth place!

The Photo Card Curse

Do you see this picture perfect photo card that was taken during Thanksgiving weekend and ordered in the beginning of December? It has not arrived yet and I had to have the order resent. It is December 21st already and I HATE TO BE LATE!!!! And this is not the first time this has happened to us... 

Two years ago, I ordered photo cards through Club Photo (now Winkflash) in the beginning of December. For whatever reason, they were totally backlogged for the holiday season and they didn't process the order for three weeks. Needless to say, I mailed the cards out after Christmas and swore never to use Club Photo again. Did I mention that I hate to be late? 

Last year, I ordered photo cards through Snapfish and they were promptly processed and mailed the next day. However, two days later, I got an email special from them for 20% off photo cards. I emailed them and they graciously credited my account for that amount. The cards arrived within five days and we were back to being on time. I was extremely pleased and have been using them ever since. 

This year, I knew to expect a 20% discount off photo cards from Snapfish at the beginning of December, so I held off on the order until I got the offer. Sure enough the email arrived on December 4th, and I promptly placed my order. For shipping, there was a choice between in store pickup at Walgreens, which is about 1/2 hour away, or pay for shipping. Since I was running a 103°F temperature when I placed the order, I opted for shipping. Besides, I was a little wary about the quality of the cards if there were processed at Walgreens (was not happy with Target photos in the past). 

They promptly processed and shipped my order on December 5th. When the cards failed to arrive by the end of the next week, I started looking into my options. They said to wait 10 business days after shipping to inquire about the order. Since it was USPS, I included Saturday shipping days and emailed them on December 17th. They replied that I needed to wait 10 business days meaning two weeks. In the meantime, I had placed another order for regular photos and they arrived right on time. On December 19th, I emailed them again. Finally they agreed to reship the order, but could I confirm my shipping address? At this point, I wasn't going to mess with USPS again and asked whether I could take in store delivery. No, can't change the order. Finally the order was finalized yesterday and shipped today. Now I will definitely be late again this year. AARRGGGGHHH! 

Lesson: Always take in store pickup for holiday photo cards, even if you think the quality from Walgreens may not be up to snuff. 

12/22 - Edited to add: They arrived via FedEx today (day after I wrote this)!! I guess Snapfish realized how irate I was.

Letting go of anger

Note: This long diatribe has been sitting on my chest for years, so please skip it if you're only up for my usual chipper self...

It has been two years since my father passed. Our relationship as adults was friendly and cordial, but not necessarily close. We saw each other about twice a year and he enjoyed seeing his grandchildren, calling them "golden boy" and "jade girl". He divorced my mother about 8 years prior to be with his girlfriend, eventually moving in with her in his last year. He was diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer which in the last few months left him confused, angry and frightened. It was certainly not the man I had known my whole life. When I first heard that his condition was worsening, I paid him a visit to make sure he had his affairs in order, including power of attorney, etc. I had already known that he had appointed his girlfriend's daughter as the executor of his will because as he said "It would be more convenient because she lives in New York." Sure fine, I had no problem with that. I just wanted to make sure that he had a power of attorney and health care proxy in place while he was alive, who could very well be his girlfriend's daughter (she is slightly younger than I with young children as well). He adamantly refused to believe that he would not be physically or mentally able to pay his own bills or handle all of his affairs. At this point, I didn't even know whether he had married his girlfriend or not as I wouldn't have been surprised if he did so without telling me in order not to upset me or my mother. I had to awkwardly ask them point blank whether they were married so I could understand my legal position and responsibilities. After this rather unsuccessful visit, I started to receive angry letters from him addressed to me, my mother and his sister-in-law who had paid him a similar visit. These letters were extremely mean and really upset my mother who throw them away. I filed them away just because that is what I do (when in doubt organize). He accused us of being after his money and to stay out of his business and not to call or visit him.

As he got worse and spent more time in the hospital, I still went to visit him by driving 3.5 hours each way by myself on weekends. He appeared to be glad to see me and enjoyed seeing the sweater I was knitting for Dova. As he worsened, more of my time was spent being nurse, helping him move, getting the nurse, helping them change his diaper, etc. In all of these visits, I saw his girlfriend only once and I never saw her daughter. They were never there when I came to see him, only another friend of his and my mother. Of course when it came time for treatment or emergency procedures, the hospital had to call me because he hadn't set up a health care proxy.

When he passed, he left clear directions for his cremation and internment. His girlfriend and her daughter were completely useless in handling the arrangements, so I arranged everything from the cremation, ordering the urn, setting up the memorial service and luncheon, picking out the music, making the slide show, everything. During the service, several of his long time friends spoke of him as well as my mother. I hadn't prepare anything to say because I had been too busy arranging everything. But one of his long time friends did say something that really touched me. He said that most of all, my father was extremely proud of me. It was something that I never thought he had felt about me, let alone hearing him say it in person. His girlfriend also got up to speak, and although I didn't understand most of her Chinese, I did hear that she claimed that his entire life was unhappy until he met her, and she completely depended on him and what was she to do now, woe is me, woe is me (selfish whiny bitch).

After the service, it was finally time for the will. I learned that he named me as his only living descendant, but then proceeded to give everything to his girlfriend and her daughter. That included all his belongings, cash and two properties in New York City. Well, it wasn't as though I was completely surprised, but I felt that it was extremely unfair to his own grandchildren. The date of his last and binding will was after his descent into dementia. I began wondering if he felt that it was a simple matter of financial aid, where his girlfriend's daughter and her family were not as well off as mine, or whether he truly felt he replaced me with her. Did I mention that she was totally useless during funeral arrangements and did not come to visit him once in the hospital while I was there? I then remembered a time when I was 14 years old and he said that he was disowning me because I had a boyfriend and was no longer his daughter. It was a crime in his book, but not in mine and if he couldn't let me be my own person, so be it. I was just as stubborn as he was.

I was extremely angry about the will and looked into contesting it but in the end, felt that it wasn't worth my energy. I had long deleted the doctor's names who could corroborate his mental state. Their lawyer kept hounding me to sign papers giving up my rights to my father's estate, but I refused. Finally, a court hearing was scheduled several months ago. I didn't go, therefore forfeiting my rights. I had no intention of really fighting with them, just wanted to make them squirm. Since that incident several months ago, I've finally started to let go of my anger. I'll never truly understand his reasoning for choosing his girlfriend's daughter and her family over his own flesh and blood grandchildren, but I guess he got his last laugh and disowned me after all.

Here are some podcasts that I really related to in the aftermath of my father's death:

WGBH Morning Stories Behind the Blue Ribbon - Another unappreciated daughter until after her mother's death.

WGBH Morning Stories From Us To You Part 2 - A daughter who was disowned by her father comes to terms with it twenty years later (hopefully it won't take me that long). The text of her letter was so moving, I am including it here:

I'm 44, and I've recently come to terms with the fact that my father disowned me when I was 24. I was in love with a black gentleman and my dad couldn't take it. I was his baby girl and the one of his five children most like him. We stayed estranged for the next nine months and then he was killed in a car accident in Zurich. Everyone always puts on their sad face when they hear this story, they say "Oh, if you'd only known that you had so little time left." But I don't agree with their thinking. I wouldn't have done anything differently. I'd been angry I guess, and that anger kept me closed to any memory of him. But in the past few years, I've let myself think about it from some distance, and I see that it was his gift that enabled me to stand up to him like that. He didn't raise me to be a racist, he taught me to stand up for what was right, even at great cost. He instilled in me the personal dignity and sense of decency that enabled me to even attempt such unheard of behavior in my family. It was a defining moment in my life, one that clarified many things for me. I'm so thankful that I can finally separate these things from the cruelty and small-mindedness of his other action. And I really know he was proud of me even if he wasn't able to see it at the time.

NPR A Year to Live, A Year to Die - A moving chronicle about a man dying of a brain tumor, descending into an angry violent state.

Doctor Rant

Image from Made in ENGLAND by Gentlemen

I love my primary care physician, she is an MIT graduate in Course 2 (Mechanical Engineering) which means she has perfect credentials (i.e. exactly the same as me). Wait, that doesn't qualify me to be a doctor... Oh yeah, she went medical school as well, details. Anyway, I had been running a high fever since Friday night with some minor coughing. On Monday, I couldn't schedule my usual doctor for urgent care so I ended seeing another doctor in the group and I was not impressed. Today, I had to go back again because I am STILL SICK and got another doctor and what a difference! So much so, I became infuriated thinking about my first experience. The first doctor was a young Indian woman (I have nothing against them in general, just this one). She looked me over extremely quickly, glancing in my ears and throat, listening to my lungs for a millisecond in each spot over my shirt, taking all of 15 seconds to do the entire exam. This is how the conversation went (my thoughts in parens, I was too polite and too sick to speak up). She had a flippant attitude the entire time, like she wasn't impressed with my illness.

Doc 1: Looks like you have the flu.

Me: But I had a flu shot.

Doc 1: When did you get it?

Me: Beginning of November (actually end of October)

Doc 1: It takes 21 days to become effective.

Me: It's been longer than that.

Doc 1: I think it's viral so you don't need antibiotics, you should start feeling better in 3-4 days.

Me: Okay. (What the hell do you mean, anytime I have a barely controllable fever that goes over 103°F for more than three days, I need some freakin' antibiotics!#!!@!#! That's why I came here in the first place!)

Doc 1: Just keep taking your Tylenol and Motrin and alternating them. If every 4 hours doesn't work, try every three hours.

Me: Okay. (Are you trying to overdose me or what? I know the Motrin says do not exceed 6 tablets in 24 hours and the Tylenol says do not exceed 8 tablets in 24 hours. I have those bottles memorized!)

Doc 1: (type type type on a laptop) I'm ordering a blood test and a chest x-ray just in case you have some pneumonia hiding in there. I'm sure they will be fine.

Me: Okay. (If you actually listened to my lungs, you would've heard they were clear. And if you're sure it will be fine why are you ordering an x-ray? To appease me or something?)

Doc 1: (leaving) It's down the hall and down the stairs.

Me: What? Where?

She finally slows down for one second to point out where I need to go. While I was waiting for my x-ray, I told the desk that I decided not to have it. She asked why and I told her because I didn't think I needed it. I got a call later from the nurse saying that my potassium level was slightly low, so eat more bananas, broccoli, etc. What kind of freakin' blood test did she order? Does my not eating in the last three days have anything to do with it?!?! Did you check my cholesterol too?

So six days into this illness, my fever is the same (as I suspected) and the coughing is much worse. Today, I got an appointment with an older Chinese man, one I've seen before and who magically cured me from a two month long illness two years ago with an antibiotic safe for use while nursing. He spent at least four times as long looking me over, listening for a full second in each spot under my shirt, in about three times as many spots. This is how the conversation went:

Doc 2: Well your lungs sound clear, but there still may be something there. Would you like an x-ray?

Me: Not really.

Doc 2: How about this, would you like to try some moderately aggressive antibiotics and see if you improve?

Me: Yes (Hallelujah!)

Doc 2: Would you like some cough medicine with Codeine?

Me: No, I should be fine without that.

Doc 2: I'll just print a paper prescription so if you change your mind you'll have that option. The cough might be with you for a while after your fever goes away.

Doc 2: Do you have any questions?

Me: No. (Will you adopt me?)

What an angel! He took his time, was respectful, asked for my input, and was even humorous during the exam. We even discussed exactly which antibiotic to use as I wanted to avoid another Zithromax disaster. Is that so hard to do in this day and age? I still gotta perfect the right number of days to wait before seeing the doctor to guarantee getting some drugs. Obviously three is too little and six is unbearable. I'll try for five next time.

In Defense of Baby Einstein

There has been a lot of bashing of Baby Einstein lately, notably in Time and NPR, and I'd just like to put my 2 cents into the discussion. 

This researcher finds that language development is actually worse in children watching Baby Einstein for more than one hour a day. Well of course you would find that, because there is no language in Baby Einstein, with exception of some foreign languages in the original Baby Einstein (Language Nursery) and a few words and poems in Baby Shakespeare. The rest of the videos only have classical music and images of puppets, toys, children and animals. But they make it seem as though language development is the only measure of a child's intelligence just to suit their hypothesis. How about when Adam heard one of the songs from Baby Mozart in the car and then said "fish" because that is the scene which went with that music in the video. He was making remarkable connections for an 18-month-old. Is that not a sign of intelligence directly related to this video (or perhaps mom put it on too times?). 

 The majority of parents do NOT buy these videos in efforts to create geniuses. We parents are not that stupid and know a marketing ploy when we see one! The videos are used so that kids can have a safe, non-threatening diversion while parents take selfish time for themselves to take showers and prepare meals. Trust me, Adam loved these videos since birth, but Dova didn't like them until she turned one, so I took many less showers when she was a baby. Videos in our family are never used to replace one-on-one interaction and reading time, and only used to save our sanity when everyone needs some down time. 

Then there is the argument that parents managed to have children for millenias without these videos during meal preparation. I point to the fact that most child poisonings occur just before meal time, when the child is hungry and under reduced supervision. Parents are distracted because they are busy trying to prepare meals, and the kids end up eating something preposturous and often poisonous. It is much safer to put kids in front of a video to distract them from their hunger for a few minutes. It is also healthier than giving them snacks that will ruin their dinner appetites. Although this wouldn't be a good marketing technique (Buy This Video, Prevents Child Poisoning!), where are the studies that track child poisonings since the advent of videos? 

And the part where he says that parents don't enjoy these videos is baloney. Baby Einstein are the ONLY children's videos that I enjoy watching with the kids over and over. I admit that I don't always watch the videos together with them, but I do watch them together on occasion and enjoy the classical music and beautiful images (I love shiny things after all). The music has also prompted me to learn several new classical piano pieces which delight my children when they hear it outside the context of Baby Einstein. In terms of other children's videos and programs, Elmo and Teletubbies are the only other ones that I like. I can't stand Barney (those smiling kids must be drugged or possessed), and want to smack Dora when she stares at you blankly waiting for a response. 

There is one last thing that I have found amazing with the Baby Einstein videos. When the kids would have total meltdowns, where nothing would console them, Baby Einstein would be the only thing that could get them out of their funk. We would try holding, rocking, talking softly and leaving them alone, and they would simply kick, punch, thrash and scream louder and louder. If we put on a Baby Einstein video, they would continue for a few more minutes, and then succumb to the soothing images and music. It is quite an effective tranquilizer!

Nasty Walmart Flip-Flops

Today I read this disturbing article on Boing Boing about how these Walmart flip-flops caused chemical burns (complete with images) and was even more appalled when I read the source link (with even more disturbing images). Even more atrocious is how Walmart is treating the whole situation, putting it way ahead of in terms of evil empire.  

And yet, here are the flip flops still on sale at Walmart today! I didn't even want to prop the yellow ones up for the picture, but I did turn the tags around to show they are the same ones. So far my hands and iPhone are fine! Lets just hope the $5 fake Crocs I got for Dova and me didn't come from the same Chinese company.

Update 12/13/20 - no sign of those cited links as Walmart put the kabash on this news!

Is Google the Next Evil Empire?

Recently I've seen a few interesting articles about Google. First, this Mashable post describes Why Google Is Making Us Dumber. I rely on Google extensively for work and I'm not sure how I was able to program before that (MSDN used to be a heck of a lot better than it is nowadays). And I certainly go by the slogan that Bart is typing above, "I will use Google before asking dumb questions." But I don't agree that Google is making us dumber. Like a commenter mentioned, it is a tool, like a calculator, which frees our mind for other computing tasks. You certainly can abuse it but it's not about to decrease your mental capacity. It may level the playing field a bit for those on the lower end, but there is still an art to crafting the perfect search. And Google will not help stupid programming mistakes like typing "Common" instead of "Common Files" in my stand-alone Installshield build which I banged my head on for hours (and wasted lots of Google searches on).

Then Father Roderick went into a long rant about how Google is taking over the world and there is nothing we can do to stop it in this podcast. He says that if we disagree with practices of a company with consumer products, we can simply boycott their products. But Google has become so prevalent on the internet that you'd be hard pressed to boycott them. The fact is that their services are simply superior to others. Having used Yahoo and Hotmail for years, I am much happier with Gmail. There are a few UI quirks that I don't like, otherwise it is very intuitive and understands your intentions (like the "Not Spam" button which not only puts a msg into the inbox but will remember for next time, not like the 100 clicks you have to go through in Hotmail). Some people are a bit wary of the fact that their bots are scanning your mail and putting up relevant ads, but it sure beats all those single scantily clad women always showing up in Hotmail. Don't they know that I'm not a young single lesbian?

I've mentioned concern before over Google's infringement on personal privacy here and here. I believe that information is power and Google is a key to that information. I guess time will tell if they will overstep their bounds with all the information they have on us. It's hard to put the works Google and Evil Empire together because I love Google so much. I can say however, that I DON'T love Microsoft and they ARE an evil empire, even though my livelihood depends on them. Let's hope that Google won't go down the same path.

Blogger's Code of Conduct

A few weeks ago, I read this article from Boing Boing on Blogger "code of conduct" trades freedom for politeness. It impressed my that Tim O'Reilly's proposed code of conduct was well meaning in response to Kathy Sierra's situation, but a little overbearing and just too hard to swallow for most folks. The badge is admittedly hokey, but heck, I'm a mom, and that's the rule in my house. Those people who don't want to follow what is mostly common courtesy, should have their moms come and smack them upside the head. I do delete comments especially if they have no bearing on the post, but thankfully have not had to deal with negative or hurtful feedback. These comments range from generic spam to all out rants about who knows what (I stop reading as soon as I see words like Anti-Christ, kill, copulating, etc.)

This story on NPR included an interview with Kathy Sierra, which prompted me to finally post on this topic. There is definitely an issue where people hide behind their anonymity on the internet and feel free to slander others. This happen to a friend of mine on a forum. The comments made about her were totally denigrating and I was shocked. She chose to ignore it (Tim's Rule #6), not empowering those weasels who wrote the comments (I would have gone home and cried). At work, I was involved in a "talent review" session involving my direct report and was surprised what other people said about him behind closed doors. It's not that I never say anything bad about people, but I would prefer to focus on the positive aspects of people. There is a time and place for constructive criticism, but only if it is constructive, and not meant to simply tear someone apart.

I'm glad Web 2.0 is all about bringing people together, but there will always be mean and clueless people. There is no way to make them behave, but it must be made clear that it will not be tolerated.

4/25/07 Update - I do remember this post on 20-way seats where I didn't delete a comment because it was relevant. See, I'm not just a happy-go-lucky everything-is-peachy blogger!

Stop Cyberbullying Day, March 30th 2007

I know I'm a few days late for this, but I've been sick in bed the last few days (and hadn't even touched the computer till after 5pm today!). I was outraged by the events that happened to Kathy Sierra, especially since it also implicated a Flickr friend, Lasadh. In honor of Lasadh's (aka Sherri Jackson) wishes I attempted a series of stop cyberbullying pictures, where I resorted to using the kid's underwear (side note - Dova is potty trained, woo hoo!).

In a note of irony, I experienced my first internet stalking on the very same day. I got a comment on this photo, saying "nice flowers & beautiful legs". Hmm, that's a strange comment. I clicked on the Flickr commenter and was shocked to find a page full of MY pictures of Adam in bathing suits and shorts. There were other semi-clothed boys as well. This was totally shocking and sickening to me especially since one of my favorite pictures below was included with the title "chinnesse".

I call this "Having too much fun during a timeout". It was taken after the kids had a whooping, hollering, crazy, good time ripping off all their clothes and needed a timeout to settle down. They were still having great time, as Adam continued to crack Dova up. Sure they are in their underwear and diaper, but this is no pr0n. After seeing these pictures on this sicko's site, I proceeded to file a copyright infringement with Yahoo (owners of Flickr). I also went and deleted any pictures of the kids taking baths or in their underwear (except for this one). Today I heard back from Yahoo that the infringing material was no longer there, so the guy was probably forced down by another user. He either wanted to be caught by leaving comments, or was just incredibly stupid. I'm glad he is gone, but I'll definitely be more careful of the pictures I put up on Flickr.

My first letter of complaint

I'm not the type of person to officially complain about things, although most of my friends know that I will usually go around and tell the story to each person until I get it out of my system. Here is a letter that I actually mailed to the local Radio Shack in Nashua, NH. Maybe I'm getting older and not so shy, or maybe I'm more intolerant of rude behavior being a mom now. Here it is:

Manager
Radio Shack
42 Gusabel Ave # 42
Nashua, NH 03063

Dear Sir or Madam:

Unfortunately, I have to report an incident that occurred with a sales representative at your store. I had purchased a battery and was paying for the item. Since I knew I had exact change, I started to search through my change purse to extract the change. After a few seconds, the sales representative said, “Could you hurry it up, I have someone waiting.” I looked around and didn’t see anyone else in the store that required help. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I assumed that perhaps he had someone on hold on the phone. After rushing and paying, I noticed that he simply walked away from the cash register, with no one to attend to in person or on the phone. I am very disappointed with the amount of disrespect I received for taking a few extra seconds to pay. I have not returned this Radio Shack as a result of this experience. The sales representative was an older gentleman. I have enclosed the receipt for the purchase as well if that will help you to identify this individual.

Sincerely,
Angela (last name here, I'm sure everyone reading this knows it!)

The Impact of Emerging Technologies: Google's Private Lives - Technology Review

This article proposes a scary situation. I love Google Desktop 2.0, but am now wary of the next version. Being (relatively) computer savvy, I would never disclose anything private. Still, it is starting to reek of the ever growing evil Microsoft empire. (OK, without MS, I would be out of computer programming skills.).

But as an aside on Google, I once got an email from them asking me for my resume. The guy said that they were always looking for bright people and saw that I was a SW engineer from my blog (woohoo, this is after many months of not having my email address public). I sent it along, but did not hear back from them. Then I saw this photoessay about them: http://www.time.com/time/photoessays/2006/inside_google/. It looks like the employees probably live there 24/7.

Blind Access Journal: Google's Inaccessible Account Creation Process!

I finally got around to removing my word verification box after hearing how it prevents blind users from opening accounts and posting comments. Google (and hence Blogger) does not provide an audio alternative for this. Please sign the petition to change this.

Walmart clothes again

Another bad Walmart clothes association... I got Adam these cool bright orange sparkle shorts (which he absolutely loves) from Walmart. We were at the dentist and we saw this boy come in with a lollipop in his mouth. Lollipop at the dentist - how clueless!! The thing was he was wearing the exact same shorts as Adam's favorite except in blue. Luckily Adam was not wearing his. To think that I would associate Adam with this clueless mom and boy by buying the same clothes!!

OK, so I got the comment that I was too snooty about those other girls. They were cute and I said hi, but they were just dirty!! I would never let Dova wear dirty clothes. If she got dirty during a meal, she would get changed immediately. Plus the clothes I got weren't exactly the same. One was wearing pink camouflage. Adam loves camouflage, but that is OK for boys. Plus pink camouflage? It just looks tacky. I guess I was just afraid of buying tacky clothes for Dova. When I got home, they passed the Doug test, so I guess they were OK!

Trailer park mom

So here is today's Walmart experience. Every time I shop there, I feel like a trailer park mom. I had to buy some clothes for Dova and went to the super cheap $2.88 knit shirts and pants section. There was another mom there with 3 girls, most of whom were wearing the same type of clothes that were on the rack already. In fact some of them looked like the clothes that I got for Dova last spring when the previous year's lot went on sale for $2 each. But these poor girls clothes were all dirty and raggedy. I'm thinking what am I doing? I shouldn't be associating Dova with these (literally) poor girls!! I should move away from this rack immediately!! But of course I couldn't resist the cheap price and got her 2 sets.

Speaking of those $2 clothes.. That was yet another classic Walmart experience. This was during lunchtime at my last job, where I had to meet Dova at 12:30pm. The lines are always long at Walmart, and I usually get into line by 12:15. This time, because I so carefully picked out a bunch of these $2 clothes in all different sizes, I ran about 5 minutes late. So I get into line, and immediately some lady comes from the side and cuts in front of me. OK, I let her go. But then the annoyances start. She keeps fidgeting around and keeps bumping into the front of my cart. She keeps shooting me these dirty looks, even though I am not moving my cart around and she is the one bumping into it. She picks out a gift card from the rack too, just to add time to her checkout. The cashier is totally clueless and slow and has to ask help on the gift card. Then he is done finally with her and moves on to me. Then the lady says, where's my receipt? The cashier insists that he gave it to her and it was probably in one of the bags. She checks ALL her bags and her purse but can't find it. He insists that he gave it to her. Meanwhile I'm checking my watch and it is already 12:30. Finally she leaves. At the end of my checkout, I go to swipe my card, but suddenly the receipt prints out before I even do it. I know immediately what happened. My order was tacked onto to the previous lady's card!! Now, here I was thinking, that would be just rewards for that lady being so annoying, but really I couldn't be that dishonest, so I say, that's not my receipt. The guy looks at it and sees that both orders are on it. The manager has to come over to figure out how to void my purchases off the other receipt and finally I say "I have an appointment, I have to go. Can I leave this here and buy it later?" As I walk away, totally late, I kick myself for not just taking the receipt and my merchandise, sticking it to that lady, and being done with the whole thing. What would you do? It was $28 worth of stuff. Anyway, the story has more!! I go back to the store after I see Dova (luckily, I was already in slacker mode at work) and go to the same clueless cashier and wait in line. He rings up all the items again and I go to take out my wallet and I realize that I left it in the car!! So I have to leave the stuff again and go get my wallet. It's like these clothes were just not meant to be bought by me!! Finally, I go back, luckily there was no line this time and I finally get to buy the stuff fair and square. Needless to say, I avoided this cashier like the plague after that.